The Art of the Sacred Pause: How to Take Mindful Moments to improve Impulse Control, Wellbeing and Relationships
I was recently asked by a client for some ideas about how they could improve their impulse control, as they wanted to be more thoughtful about choosing their actions and less reactive to the stimuli around them, particularly in their family relationships. It was a great goal to bring to therapy, as in today's fast-paced world, where distractions abound and constant connectivity is the norm, we can easily find ourselves reacting quickly to the world around us in the grip of impulsive reactions and automatic behaviours, leading to stress, anxiety, and a lack of presence in our daily lives.
Our conversation led to the idea of incorporating a "sacred pause" into our routines can be a powerful tool for increasing mindful behaviours and improving impulse control. In this blog post, we will explore what the sacred pause is, why it is important, and how you can incorporate it into your life to cultivate mindfulness and enhance impulse control to benefit ourselves and our families.
What is the Sacred Pause?
The sacred pause is a moment of intentional awareness and conscious reflection that allows you to pause, observe, and respond with mindfulness instead of reacting impulsively. It is a deliberate act of taking a step back, creating space between a stimulus and your response, and allowing yourself to fully engage with the present moment without judgment. The sacred pause is not about stopping or avoiding life, but rather about tuning in and being fully present in the here and now.
Viktor Frankl, a renowned psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, famously stated, "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." Frankl's words emphasize the importance of recognizing the space between a stimulus and our response, which is precisely where the sacred pause can be applied.
Why is the Sacred Pause Important?
In our fast-paced world, we often rush from one task to another, react to external stimuli, and operate on autopilot without fully considering our actions or their consequences. This lack of mindfulness can lead to impulsive reactions, mindless behaviors, and a sense of disconnection from ourselves and the world around us. The sacred pause offers a powerful antidote to this mindless state by providing an opportunity to interrupt automatic patterns, gain clarity, and respond with intention.
In addition, the sacred pause can help improve impulse control. Impulses are automatic reactions that arise without conscious awareness, often driven by emotions or habitual patterns. By incorporating the sacred pause into our lives, we can create a space for self-awareness and self-regulation, allowing us to respond rather than react to our impulses. This can lead to improved decision-making, reduced impulsivity, and a greater sense of emotional balance and well-being.
The sacred pause can be a particularly invaluable tool for individuals with conditions such as ADHD, as it can help them cultivate greater self-awareness, impulse control, and emotional regulation. By intentionally pausing and bringing mindful awareness to their thoughts, emotions, and behaviours, individuals with ADHD can learn to respond consciously rather than react impulsively, leading to improved self-regulation and overall well-being.
How does a Sacred Pause benefit Families?
A sacred pause can greatly benefit family relationships by creating a space for mindfulness, reflection, and emotional regulation. In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, families often get caught up in routines and responsibilities, leaving little time for meaningful connections.
However, by intentionally taking a sacred pause, family members can come together, slow down, and be present in the moment. This allows for deeper conversations, increased empathy, and improved communication. Taking a pause also provides an opportunity for family members to reflect on their own emotions, thoughts, and behaviours, and to practice self-awareness. This can lead to better understanding of each other's perspectives, increased empathy, and reduced conflict, resulting in stronger and more authentic family relationships.
In addition, a sacred pause can help family members regulate their emotions, particularly during challenging situations. Family dynamics can sometimes be stressful and trigger emotional reactions, such as frustration, anger, or disappointment. Taking a pause allows family members to take a step back, take deep breaths, and calm their minds before reacting impulsively.
This can help prevent misunderstandings, arguments, and hurtful words that may damage family relationships. By practicing emotional regulation and responding to each other with kindness and empathy, family members can create a safe and nurturing environment where everyone feels heard, understood, and respected.
Ultimately, a sacred pause can foster deeper connections, enhance emotional well-being, and promote healthy family relationships that are built on love, trust, and mutual understanding.
How to Incorporate the Sacred Pause into Your Life:
Cultivate Mindfulness: Mindfulness is the foundation of the sacred pause. It involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment. You can cultivate mindfulness through practices such as meditation, mindful breathing, body scans, and sensory awareness. These practices can help you develop the capacity to be fully present in the moment and create the awareness necessary for the sacred pause.
Set Intentions: Before engaging in any activity or interaction, set clear intentions for how you want to show up and what kind of behaviour you want to cultivate. This can help you create a roadmap for mindful behaviours and impulse control. For example, if you're about to have a difficult conversation, you might set an intention to listen attentively, speak with kindness, and refrain from reacting impulsively.
Establish a reminder cue: Establish a cue that you associate with the sacred pause to help you remember to pause. This cue can be a sound, a word, or an action. One client liked the idea of the sacred pause so much that they got a tattoo inside their forearm of a “pause button” which they would push with their finger to help remind them of their sacred pause. In families and relationships, the cue can also take the form of a “safe word” that has been agreed upon prior.
Create Rituals: Rituals can serve as anchors for the sacred pause. You can create simple rituals that help you pause and reset throughout your day. For example, taking a few deep breaths before starting a new task, pausing to appreciate a moment of beauty in nature, or consciously savouring a cup of tea can all serve as rituals that bring you into the present moment and foster mindful behaviours.
Notice Triggers: Pay attention to the triggers that often lead to impulsive reactions or mindless behaviours. It could be certain situations, people, emotions, or habits that tend to pull you into automatic patterns of behaviour. By becoming aware of your triggers, you can create a pause between the trigger and your response, allowing yourself to choose a mindful response instead of reacting impulsively.
Incorporating the sacred pause into your life can be a powerful tool for increasing mindful behaviours and improving impulse control. By creating intentional moments of stillness and presence, you can interrupt automatic patterns, gain clarity, and respond with intention, leading to greater self-awareness, emotional regulation, and overall well-being.
This practice can be particularly beneficial for individuals with ADHD, helping them manage impulsive behaviours, enhance focus, and improve emotional regulation. It can also be transformative within families helping to reduce anxiety within family systems and cultivate family culture of respect, clarity, and compassion.
So, take a moment to pause, breathe, and connect with the present moment - the sacred pause can transform your life and lead to a more mindful and fulfilling existence.
With Warmth and Goodwill,
Stephen Souter
Psychologist
